Something was obviously bent on preventing me from going down for the distribution. [[On the previous day, January 21, Saraswati Puja, Mother had given a message and photos to each disciple. ]] But by an act of will I went down. 'I will do it,' I said. But it was difficult. There were moments when it sidled up to me: 'Now you're going to faint,' and then, 'Now your legs will no longer be able to walk. Now....' It kept coming like that. So I kept repeating the japa the whole time, and it was touch-and-go right up to the end. Finally I couldn't distinguish people, I saw only shapes, forms passing by, and not clearly. When the distribution was over, I got up (I knew I had to get up), I stood up without flinching and stepped down from the chair without faltering. But I was not careful and when I turned away from the light in the room to go towards the staircase - an abrupt blackout. Not the blackout of a faint - my eyes no longer saw. I saw only shadows. 'Ah!' I said to myself, 'where is the step?!' And to avoid missing it, I clutched the railing. What a commotion that made! Champaklal came rushing up, thinking I was about to fall! page 36 , Mother's Agenda , volume 2 , 22nd Jan. 1961